Put on A Happy Face

“Jim Johnson is a positive minded person. A person who knows the glass is always full no matter how much water or air is in the glass. It has been said that he has always been positive, even when he was a kid. There is confirmation from other human beings that this viewpoint is true.

It is kind of ironic that many years ago some of his co-workers at TVA called him “Blue Sky” because of his cheerful attitude. One could assume they were wanting to be somewhat derogatory since many of them were pessimists and grumblers. I bet they were somewhat annoyed when Jim wore his “Blue Sky” badge and reveled in its truthful meaning for him!”

I can tell you that I still have a positive attitude even in the worst of times. The last two weeks, and especially the last week, I have been sicker that any time in my life other that when I had the flu so bad that I had to be bedridden for four days. The side effects that I mentioned in my previous post have increased plus the onset of a sinus infection have weakened me and almost caused me to be homebound.

To make matters worse, the antibiotic that I was prescribed gave me serious diarrhea after a couple of days. That weakened me even more and I don’t know when I have felt worse. I stopped the antibiotic and the diarrhea has finally stopped.

It has been a very rough week for me. I missed another Toastmasters meeting and I struggled with moderating the ETMP Meeting on Tuesday. I asked the questions for the panelists and had to sit several times between questions due to leg pains.

I go to the Oncologist on Wednesday for bloodwork and a check-in so hopefully we can discuss some options to help with the side effects. I sure hope for the slightest of relief.

Let’s turn that frown upside down! Despite this miserable situation I find myself in. I am still searching and finding joy in all parts of my life A slice of joy occasionally makes life worth living. Even when I take pics and selfies, I try to put a big smile on while obscuring my physical and emotional aliments. Can you say, “Fake it till you make it?”

Some of my recent joys include:

• Spending quality time with my Doll holding hands, hugging, and comforting each other while gazing into each other’s eyes What a powerful soul connection. It always gives me goose bumps.
• Enjoying the beautiful sound of the wind chimes and the birds while sitting on the screen porch with a coffee. A little bit of paradise and it will be enjoyed more as the temperature rises. It will be a great place to rest and reflect. It is the Doll’s favorite getaway too so that means even more time together.
• Seeing posts of my granddaughters Rose and Lily enjoying their lives and activities. The are fabulous little ladies and so talented. They have very bright futures.
• Keeping up with my son, Tony, who continues to be consumed with music and keeping those beer steins full. He really seems to be more settled than ever and continues being a great Dad for Rose. I m proud of my son!
• Reading about my daughter, Brianne’s, accomplishments. Whether she has written a new book, or on TV for an interview, or off to receive another prestigious award from the various Associations for the Archives. She is at the top of her game and it makes my heart swell with pride to have her as my daughter. She is an awesome Mom to Lily too.
• Riding in the convertible on a sunny warm day. More and more the Doll is the chauffeur, but whether driving or riding it is wonderful to feel the wind in your hair and the sun on your skin!
• Having people respond to my Facebook posts with such nice thoughts like “you look great” or “beautiful couple” People lift me up!
• Seeing so many posts of beautiful children or grandchildren of my Facebook friends. There is nothing more precious than a child.
• Reminiscing about what Teresa and I did with Tony and Brianne when they were younger. When I visualize those memories, it warms my heart and invokes tremendous emotion.
• Watching Blue Planet or Planet Earth episodes with my current nuclear family of Shelia, Haylee, and Ivan. We are a family and it reminds me of what family is all about. We do lots of family things and it seems normal now. I hope we can do more as time goes on. We have a lot of love right here!
• Attending a Toastmasters or ETMP meeting when able and discussing anything other than cancer. Cancer cannot be the Boss of me!
• Attending the Support Group on Tuesday evenings at the Cancer Support Community. It’s a place where I can listen or share from so many wonderful people who have one thing in common – cancer! I have only been a member for a few months, but I feel so good about these folks. They inspire me in some way every meeting and I am so appreciative of them. I belong.
• Reading wonderful motivational posts from my friend All Goggins. He comes up with outstanding ways to lift me up spiritually.
• Keeping up with my friend from New York, Kenny Martone, who is battling the same cancer as me and whose has been valiant and fearless in his journey despite horrendous treatments and side effects. He is a very brave young man with a fantastic attitude!
• Spying fresh flowers and plants coming out for spring and just being dazzled by their beauty.
• Being out on the back deck and letting the warm sun soak in and enjoying the blue sky. It can’t help but to settle you down and appreciate the wonderful world in which we live.

Obviously, I could list so many more areas where I find tremendous joy in everyday life. When you have cancer with an undetermined outcome it is imperative to find those sparkles anywhere and everywhere possible. Two things happen when you do that. One is that your mind focuses on the beauty and wonder in front of you. And two, you have less time to focus on the cancer and its impact on you. It is not always easy to focus on the right things, but it is necessary to try.

My friends, I want to say that along my journey so far it has been a tremendous feeling to know the love and support that you all have given me. I do not know where my journey will take me or when it will end but I do know I will have your unwavering love all the way and I thank you so much for that. As humans there is nothing more powerful than our connections!

Love, Jim